Friday, April 22, 2011

Pockets and Answers That Involve Jackets

I almost always wear a jacket of some sort. Most usually a blazer, or the longcoat during that week of the year here in Florida where it drops below 40 degrees and everyone in the state freaks out.

But why do I wear jackets?

Simple answer: I like the look.

Complex answer: I really like the look and because I like being warm. I carry a lot of things. I could use a man bag, but Orlando isn't a place that's probably ready for that yet. And not everything I carry cannot fit in a pair of jeans (that probably sounds like a double entendre, but I don't like the backspace key all that much, ergo, that sentence is staying in there). Plus, everything in my pockets goes into a specific place on my person, just out of habit, and because things are easier to find in pockets when you know where something is, and a zombie apocalypse is going on. So, what do I carry in my pockets?

No weapons. While many of the things in my pockets could possibly be McGyvered into weapons, I do not carry anything that could immediately be called a weapon. No knives, no guns, and no batons. I like firing guns, just not carrying them around.

Cell phone. Have to keep in touch with the world, obviously. That, and it serves as my secretary.

Cigarettes in a metal cigarette case. I'm a smoker. Carrying them in a metal case is much better than carrying them in the box they come in, and I can't break my cigs in any unfortunate incidents. Plus it just looks a bit classier and civilized.

Cig lighter. Once again, I'm a smoker. Must have. Making fire is something handy to fall back on when things get ridiculous. Or if there's a zombie apocalypse.

Matches. In case the lighter fails. And if there's a zombie apocalypse, the lighter will always fail.

Abreva. I'm paranoid. And while I don't get cold sores often, whenever I do, I'm cursing the world when I don't have Abreva immediately at hand.

Condoms. I am a bohemian hedonist at the core, but I'm no fool. Practicing safe sex is important. Like Abreva, having condoms handy is important, and I'm cursing the world if they're not immediately at hand.

Business cards. I like networking. Very important, and seeing as my quest in life is to escape Orlando involves finding a job in a more...metropolitan city, networking is key.

Notepad. Sometimes it's easier to write something down in a notepad than typing it into a phone's notebook app. Especially when alcohol is involved.

Pen. Gotta have something to write with, and the only people who have pens when I'm out aren't going to let me keep theirs (bartenders, waiters/waitresses, concierges, cops, lawyers, etc).

Guitar pick (sometimes). You never know when you're going to be jamming out on a guitar at an afterparty. Which has happened to me a few times. If I'm playing the guitar it's because the actual guitar player is passed out somewhere in an unfortunate position. Or fortunate. I mean, he is a guitar player. Ask John Mayer what happens when he picks up a guitar.

Paperclips (sometimes). I work in an office and always seem to end up with a few of them in my pockets. So I just decided to keep them in the pockets when I'm out and about.

Naughty dice. They're mostly a novelty gag, but I'm sure there's another reason I'm carrying them around. They glow in the dark. They also come in a velvet bag that's notoriously difficult to open.

Keys. With a key ring, and that's it. No keychains or anything. Too bulky.

Chapstick. I like not having chapped lips.

Gum or Listerine Breath Strips. I like having minty breath, and the world doesn't like funky breath.

Quarters. A least a few dollars worth. For billiards, darts, and that tempermental cigarette machine at Pine Street. Oh, and to hand to homeless people that I'm in no mood to speak to when I'm walking home.

Wallets. That's plural--I carry two wallets. Not because I have that much money (I bloody wish). One for cash (which I ironically almost never carry) and the other for plastic, library card, and license.

Digital camera. While the phone has a camera in it, the camera that I carry is of higher picture quality. I almost never get to use it. And when I do I forget to upload the pictures to Facebook. Which may or may not be a good thing. YMMV.